Even when it hurts…

I recently attended a Hillsong United concert where they sang the song “Even When it Hurts”

Below are a portion of the lyrics

Even when my strength is lost
I’ll praise You
Even when I have no song
I’ll praise You
Even when it’s hard to find the words
Louder then I’ll sing Your praise

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

Take this mountain weight
Take these ocean tears
Hold me through the trial
Come like hope again

Even when the fight seems lost
I’ll praise You
Even when it hurts like hell
I’ll praise You
Even when it makes no sense to sing
Louder then I’ll sing Your praise

This past season has been such a season where the hurt echos and echos deep. I am a twenty-year-old girl who has walked through many trials. I have walked through rejection, I’ve seen friendships dissolve before my eyes, lost loved ones, and even had to walk through a painful break-up, but none of that compares to the hurt I’ve had to walk through in this season of life.

It’s been a season of not feeling at times like I have a song to sing.

A time  where it’s been hard to see the Lord through this.

A time of questioning His goodness in the midst of the chaos.

In a time where I can’t always see the good that can come from this.

but.

In all that questioning and through all the uncertainty I have seen the Lord show up.

I have seen him pick me up out of the mud and mire.

I’ve seen him hear my cry (and let me tell you there have been many) and give me a new song to sing.

I’ve understood what it means to sing louder and praise Him even when it hurts.

To trust Him even when it hurts.

I’ve seen Him hold me through this trial, this trial that will take a long time to heal through, but I know He will be faithful to heal me through this.

So for those of you who are walking through hard things, who aren’t even sure what’s to come next, I urge you to lean in to the Lord and find hope in Him.

He will hear your cry. He will pick you out of the mess and give you hope in the midst of this.

Psalm 40:1-3

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
    and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
    out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
    and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
    They will put their trust in the Lord.

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Celebrating Christmas: Emotions and All

Sisters Sharing Scriptures

I wish I had something profound and pretty to say, but more than likely this post will be real and raw. This time of year brings a lot of emotions for people. Happiness, sadness, joy, frustration, peace, you name it. For us, as women, emotions are stirred and moods flare as we prepare the last details on the Christmas dinner or wrap those last presents…But it all has to be done perfectly, or the emotional roller coaster takes another loop. Or perhaps, there are no presents. Maybe you are wondering how Christmas can even happen this year. Whatever your situation, emotions are sure to follow.

I will be the first to say that I have had more of my fair share of emotions already this holiday season. As someone who struggles with an autoimmune thyroid disease, depression and anxiety, I have my flash pass for the front row seat on…

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defining moment: a point at which the essential character of a person is revealed or identified

Summer 2014… What a summer. 

 It seems as though I had my entire summer planned out. I knew exactly how it was going to go and how things were going to play out, from start to finish. I was so beyond eager for my second semester at CBU to end so I could get moving with my summer plans.

In a short amount of time it seemed as though God soo quickly wrecked my plans. 

Wrecked them in the most beautiful way.

Before April I had been living on top of the world. Everything seemed to be going great. But in my attempt to be on top of the world, living the perfect life I began to lose sight of the things Christ required of me. I began to rely less and less on Christ and rely more and more on me and the people around me. I took my eyes off of who God was in my life. 

As I looked at the calendar on my phone, erasing all the plans I had made for the summer, I remember sitting on my bed in my dorm feeling so utterly broken; like my world had just shattered. I remember feeling so empty, a feeling I had not felt in a very long time.  

The summer of 2014 so clearly became a defining moment in my life. It was a time where Christ required me to be still. He required me to stop looking left and right and for me to place my entire focus on Him. It was a summer of me having to be still and truly trust that His plans for my life are so much greater than I could even fathom or even understand. 

It was a time for me to better understand the love of Christ. 

At the beginning of summer I created a list to keep track of all the blessing God was going to continue to bring out of my crushed plans and what seemed like the worst of circumstances. The list started off extremely small and and lacked depth, but throughout the entire summer that list has only grown with an abundance of depth to each blessing I’ve written. It has been easier and easier to see Gods hand on my life from start to finish. Nothing is by chance. Looking at the list brings me so much joy, God has truly used this painful moment in my life for His glory. Something I had prayed He would do when it seemed like the walls were caving in. 

I can honestly say I needed this summer so much.

I needed to have a summer to be still. I needed to see God changing my life and changing my heart. 

I needed this summer to find my identity in Christ. I needed to see how I am not identified by anything, but Him. 

I needed this summer to understand how vital it is to move where God moves. 

I needed this summer to realize how much I am truly nothing without Christ.

I needed to feel him rescuing me from my sin. 

I needed this summer to realize I am redeemed by Christ and for me to understand the magnitude of the Cross. 

 

A lesson from Lot’s wife

Needed this so much.

letting go, let go, lots wife, moving onShe had a purpose and she had a destiny.

To start over fresh with her family in a new land with God.

To be a mother and a wife.

But she threw it all away with one single glance.

One glance behind her into the past.

And because of that one glance her plans were shattered, her future was gone, and she became a pillar of salt.

The story of Lot’s wife is dramatic to be sure.

It seems unreal and out of the world.

But the truth is there are many people who have become just like her, maybe not physically, but mentally and spiritually.

People who have a purpose and a destiny that God call them to fulfill.

People with ambitions, hopes, and dreams.

People who, like Lot’s wife throw it all away by doing exactly what she did: look back.

Sure, unlike her their hearts might still…

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